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Friday, July 30, 2010

Very very young engineerss ~ cool! [beruktube]

Banyak klip cool macam ni adalah iklan. Semestinya bukan di Malaysia. Iklan di negara kita kalau yang lucah-lucah tu banyak la, harap dekat Petronas saja kalau nak tonton iklan bermakna. Itu pun time raya saja. Cuba tengok iklan ni.


video


Best tidak?

Kita biasa lekat tulang... dia lekat spanar haha.

Gila ah. Siap kena gelakkan lagi oleh doktor-doktor bedah. Apesal dia telan spanar tu, posmen tak tahu. Tapi nampak siksa gila nak keluarkan spanar tu hehehe. Tak caya tengok ni.

video


Never ask a graphic designer for a simple job. kelakar gile haha.

......... Or I would prefer a retarded graphic designer.

Story goes :

Shannon (the secretary) has lost her cat and has asked David (the graphic designer) to help with a lost poster. This is their email correspondence...
Read from top to bottom….



.................................

From:
Shannon Walkley
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To:
David Thorne
Subject:
Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.



This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.
...........................................................
From:David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news.
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.

...............................................................................

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

.............................................................................

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don't like cats. Attached poster as requested.

Regards, David.



..............................................................................

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

.............................................................................

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.

...............................................................................

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.


...............................................................................

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.



.................................................................................

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.

...............................................................................

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster



..............................................................................

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.


..................................................................................

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter. I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David. 


...........................................................................................

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.


..................................................................................


From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

Regards, David.

................................................................................

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.


................................................................................................

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



........................................................................................

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

.....................................................................................

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



.....................................................................................

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.
......................................................................................

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



.........................................................................................


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Gigi palsu kantoi atas pelamin haha.

Apa perasaan korang kalau kantoi macam ni haha. Malu siot. Tapi laki dia selamba aje hehe.


video


Audition Malaysian Idol VS Punjabi Idol performance.

Malaysian Idol audition yang paling kelakar.

video

Punjabi Idol best performance.

video


Minah rempit tertangkap CCTV Petronas.

Rempit-rempit jugak, tapi sila dapatkan lesen dahulu. Kalau tak nanti mak bapak jugak yang susah. Sekarang ni rempit tak mengenal usia dan jantina. Betul. Contohnya yang dapat kita lihat melalui CCTV ini hehe.

video

Kesimpulannya, jangan biarkan anak atas motor, boley? Hish! Kesian kat budak tu. Harap tak pape. 

Betul ke pompuan tu cantik? Karutlah. Tengok nih haha.

Ini posmen rasa satu realiti. Kalau setakat lawa dengan make up baik tak payah jadi pompuan. Apatah lagi kalau muka cantik, tapi perangai ya rabbi kalah sundal bolong.

Kesimpulan ringkas, sebagai seorang perempuan kita mestilah kemas luar dan dalam. Berpewatakan menarik dan berkeperibadian ampuh, bukan sekadar kosmetik semata-mata.

Ini satu clip yang posmen dapat dalam email bagaimana seorang perempuan menipu orang ramai dengan make upnya. hehe. Layan...

video


Iklan Viagra yang bangang hehe. Protect your valuables!

Hahah. Serious klip ni memang kelakar gila hahaha.


video


Kompilasi video 'pantang maut sebelum ajal'

Orang kata, nyawa di hujung tanduk. Nasib baik saja, kalau tak nasib baik memang kalau tak meninggal, patah kaki.

Berikut adalah video orang yang umur panjang di ketika kejadian. Layann...

video

video

video

video

video


Perangkap adik, kena kat bapak hehe. 18SX

video


Monday, July 26, 2010

Kompilasi lawak di swimming pool. Serius kelakar hahaha.

Posmen baru perasan wujudnya video kelakar ni dalam kotak email posmen. Kalau stress-stress, boleh nonton agar senyum sendiri.

Semua video di swimming pool ni memang kelakar, cuma yang last sekali tu rasa tak kelakar tetapi hebat hehe. Layann....


video


The best and the worst parking styles. Enjoy!


The best.

video



Runner up

video


The worst!

video

"Worst? God damn it. That's the last space available!"



Sunday, July 25, 2010

This is real, no CGI effect.

Posmen tak tahu kat negara mana sebenarnya video canggih ini direkod. Tetapi menurut firasat posmen, melihat struktur tubuh badan watak dalam video, posmen rasa kalau tidak di Bangladesh, mesti di Nepal. Entahlah. Tetapi jelas sekali skill mereka sangat tinggi. Syukur kita bekerja di Malaysia yang ada engineer untuk design pembancuh simen.

Klip 1
video

Klip 2
video




Saturday, July 24, 2010

Perempuan dan Kentut serta lawaknya yang bangang haha.

Perempuan kalau kentut, jarang ada orang tahu. Mungkin sebenarnya perempuan tak pernah kentut barangkali sepanjang hidup mereka.

Kelakar bukan?

Kalau lelaki memang hero bab kentut. Kalau boleh, diadjust volume kentut biar semua orang tahu. Lebih kuat, lebih jantan.

Cuba layan video kentut ini. Perempuan ini sungguh jijik bukan? Hish!

video


Takbir Ultraman - Ust Azhar Idrus

video



Thursday, July 22, 2010

Kompilasi video 'seposen lagi nak kena'

Orang kata, nyawa di hujung tanduk. Nasib baik saja, kalau tak nasib baik memang kalau tak meninggal, patah kaki.

Berikut adalah video orang yang umur panjang di ketika kejadian. Layann...

video

video

video

video


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Semalam haram, hari ini tak haram pulak!! Kopi Luwak - kopi termahal di dunia!

Sebelum tu posmen nak tanya, murid-murid tahu tidak kopi luwak itu bagimana? Kopinya enak banget, ada rasa stink stink stim gitu kalo minum. Posmen tak pernah minum, mengantarnya ke rumah-rumah pun tidak pernah. Saja ngabor hehe.

Semalam di Metro, katanya haram.


JAKARTA: Majlis Ulama Indonesia (MUI) mungkin mengharamkan pengambilan kopi paling mahal di dunia - dikenali sebagai kopi luwak - yang dihasilkan daripada biji kopi keluar bersama najis musang.
Pemangku ketua MUI, Maruf Amien, berkata tahap kebersihan kopi itu diragukan selepas biji kopi itu dimakan musang dan terhadam di usus haiwan itu seketika sebelum dibuang sebagai najis.

Disebabkan rasanya yang lazat, kadang-kadang harga pasaran bagi kopi luwak boleh mencecah RM1,419 sekilogram.

Kata Maruf, sepatutnya tiada masalah dengan fatwa yang akan dikeluarkan itu.

“Jika petani membersihkan terlebih dulu biji kopi berkenaan sebelum ia dikisar, maka ketika itu ia halal,” katanya. - AP


[Link]

Eh, alih alih hari ini katanya enggak haram pulak. Ini petikan Metro hari ini:


JAKARTA: Badan Tinggi Agama Islam di Indonesia, semalam membatalkan cadangan untuk mengharamkan minuman kopi termahal di dunia yang dihasilkan daripada najis musang.
Sebelum ini badan berkenaan bercadang mengeluarkan fatwa bagi mengharamkan umat Islam negara itu meminum sejenis kopi yang diperbuat daripada biji kopi yang terhasil daripada najis musang. 

“Selepas perbincangan, MUI memutuskan tidak haram untuk umat Islam Indonesia meminum kopi Luwak,” kata Pengerusi Majlis Ulama Indonesia (MUI), Ma’ruf Amien dalam satu sidang media. 

“Tidak haram kerana yang penting anda perlu mencuci biji kopi berkenaan bagi membersihkan najis musang itu,” katanya. 

Kopi Luwak terhasil apabila biji kopi yang ranum dimakan musang terlebih dahulu sebelum dicernakan haiwan itu dan najisnya kemudian dipanggang. 

Menurut Persatuan pengeluar kopi Indonesia, biji kopi Luwak dijual pada harga AS$500 (RM1,600) setiap kilogram (kg) dan hanya 200kg dihasilkan setiap tahun di seluruh dunia. - AFP





Tu dia mahal gila kopi tu kau. Kalau setakat kerja macam posmen ni, mimpi ler nak minum kopi taik musang ni. Kopi kapal api pun dah cukup bagus ye dak.

Ini kejap haram kejap halal ni mesti ramai duk push MU indonesia ni, maklumlah penggemar kopi ini mestilah dari kalangan orang-orang kenamaan (kot).

Mari kita berkenalan dengan kopi termahal di dunia ni. Ini posmen dapat daripada email.

Ini salah satu jenama kopi Luwak dari Thai

Ini pun sama, cuba cari kat Carefour ada tak. (Filipina)

Ini salah seekor staff di kilang kopi. Kiut gile. Patutla sedap.

Menatam kiut ini nama dia Civet. Nak kata musang, bukan musang pulut la. Musang pulut pemalas, nak harapkan dia buat keje-keje ni semua mmg takkan jalan.

Only the best fruit for the best taste... I mean, for the Civet lunch...

"Pilih yang elok2 ya makcik... tak cukup masak I reject." kata Civet.

Kimberlly in action. Ya, nama Civet tu Kimberlly. 

Lunch time!! 

Berak time!!

Berak time!!

Coffee time. Uhh...


Dekat sinilah penentu semua hukum. Apakah kopi ini halal atau haram. Ya, basuh atau tidak? Kalau basuh makanya halal ia sebab ia sudah bersih. Semua tahu biji itu tak terhadamkan, jadi keluar ia ketul-ketul sebagai tahi. Taharahkan tahi, tinggal biji. Okey pe? Halal kan?

Jadi haram kalau tak basuh. Oh ya, kalau tak basuh lagi sedap ke? Uweeekkk...

Seorang budak show off.




Itu saja dari posmen. Kalau anak-anak sekalian mahu minum kopi taik musang, sila check kat belakang dia ada cakap dia basuh ke tidak taik musang tu.



It was green light. So, I just go. But I got hit!! You will never thrust the green light after you watch this!!

Buat para penunggang motorsikal macam posmen, berhati-hati di trafik light. Hijau pun masih kena periksa, kemungkinan ada kereta yang laju macam sial atau ada lori hantu yang celaka main redah lampu merah. Jangan tak tahu, benda ni ada. Tak percaya, tonton video ngeri kat bawah.

(bukan di Malaysia)

video


How to cheat your bos? Fedex has the answer.

Video ini memang kelakar gila haha. Layan...


video


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Ingat tak vdo clip zaman rege barang naik dulu? Jom recap!

Dulu dia punya punch line adalah - ubah gaya hidup!

Sekarang ni kita tak dengar dah frasa tersebut, aku rasa sebab video clip ini. Korang pernah tengok kot video ni, tak apa kasi perangat.

Ubah gaya hidup!



video


Lepas ni kita buat video klip berkenaan perkataan selaras pulak. hehe...



VVEADS - Blog directory, Increase traffic & network ads discuss‏

Biar posmen copy paste saja. Senang kerja hehe. Web host baru untuk ping blog, stats analysis dan discussion board. Layan...

***

http://vveads.com  is a new website launch in Malaysia.

Language used for website textual content is English.

vveads.com was hosted in Malaysia since May10. It's using Google Analytics for traffic monitoring.

Features:
- Counts daily and total page visits.(Admin email to update status)
- Display the count on the single post and page.(Assist to increase your site traffic.)
- Your blog/website will be created in thumbnail size(125x125) easy to view.

Contain:
- Delicious.com bookmarker
- Twitter & Facebook sharing.
- Your website's linking.

Hope you will support and enjoy.
J

http://vveads.com
We Ads, We Click, We Gain







David Copperfield VS David Chesterfield [beruktube]


David Copperfield si tukang sihir itu semua orang tahu. Kalau tak tahu, mesti dia tak tahu macam mana nak buka internet dan browse blog ini justeru kewujudan puak-puak primitif sebegitu boleh kita abaikan.

Musykilnya, posmen tak tahu samada anak-anak murid sekalian sudah bertemu sama David Chesterfield atau tidak. Bukan David Copperfield, ini David Chesterfield. David Arumugam memang sama sekali bukan. Kalau tidak pernah, anggap saja posmen mahu memperkenalkan kalian semua akan David Chesterfield di entry ini. Kalau sudah, anggap ini sebagai refresher.



Posmen mahu sharing-sharing video ini buat anak murid sekalian bergelak ketawa selepas tamat sesi persekolahan waktu pagi atau petang. Jangan terlalu stress dengan exam sampai otak biol ya. Nanti tak pass exam nak jadi posmen pula susah.

Video clip ni nak kata lawak tu, tak juga sebenarnya. Tapi mamat bernama David Chesterfield ini memang sempoi. Walaupun trick langsung tak masuk akal, tetapi gaya dia seronok untuk kita jadikan sempadan. Agar kita tak jadi gila macam dia. Biar gila asal femes.

Sebelum kita tengok video clip David Chesterfield, jom kita tengok dulu klip magic oleh David Copperfield yang posmen rasa trick beliau yang terbaik setakat ini...


video

Gila bukan magic beliau? Perkgh, David Blaine tu taraf sayur saja kalau nak banding sama David Copperfield. Tetapi ada magician yang sebenarnya jauh lebih handal daripada David Copperfield iaitu David Chesterfield. Jauh lebih handal!

Kalau kalian tak percaya, cuba lihat clip kat bawah:


video


Jadi, kesimpulannya posmen nak tanya. David Chesterfield ini magic ke bangang? Hahaha.